Saturday, November 13, 2010

Since Unemployment affects relationships, maybe there should be...

Sexual Unemployment for people who suffer a break up due to Job Unemployment..

Relationships are like work and sex is the pay check...when the relationship breaks up you stop getting those "checks"..so there's got to be some kind of relief measure applied..(and masturbation is like self employment)


You should be able to go to the office and file for Temporary Fuck Buddy (TFB status) until you find a working relationship.

Could you imagine that interview:

Q: How long were you in a relationship?

A. 2 years six months

Q: Reason for break up

A: Relationship downsizing

Q: Did you have sex yesterday?

A. No.

Q: Are you currently looking to have intercourse?

A. Yes

Q: You have approximately 4 weeks of full Temporary Fuck Buddy benefits left. If you find a relationship during that time please inform us so that we may update our system. Thank you..

And like any beauracracy there are going to be delays...

I could imagine someone calling up the TFB Benefits hot line and saying:

"Ummm..I was scheduled to have sex yesterday but my temporary fuck buddy didn't show up? Yes...yes.. I know..but.. when can I expect my fuck buddy to get here? I understand that but WHEN can I expect my bud- I need to speak to your supervisor! (under his breath) *sigh* this is some bullshit right here..."

And the calls heard from the social worker side:

"Yes sir I understand your inconvenienced but you no longer qualify for full sex benefits at this point you can only get partial benefits which consist of only oral or a handjob bimonthly.

Will she be a pretty woman? I can't determine that sir...at this point I can't even guarantee it will even be a female..I'M RIGHT HERE SIR NO NEED TO YELL! I understand you're not homosexual but that has nothing to do with it. Sir, do you want your blowjob or not? Sir, I have your file right here and looking at your relationship history, if I was in your position, I wouldn't be picky about how I'm getting off..."

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